10 Tips to Break the Ice with Your Mother-in-Law
Mother’s day is around the corner. For many women who have mother-in-laws, this can be a stressful and confusing holiday. While some married ladies are lucky enough to hit it off with their in-laws from get-go, many others find that they need to put a little effort into their in-law relationship. If you feel that your relationship with the mother-in-law could use some warming up, here are 10 tips to break the ice.
Image: dospaz (Flickr)
1. Plan some one-on-one time with your mother-in-law.
Sure, you are married to her son and she sees you (with the rest of the family) at holidays. But how well do you actually know each other? If you found this article by typing “mother-in-law” along with “break the ice” in a search engine, chances are you need help reaching out. If you live in the same town, why not initiate some time together – even if it is only for lunch or running some errands one weekend while your husband stays home or is out of town? Chances are, she will appreciate the simple suggestion: “Hey, want to do lunch on Saturday?”
2. Never mistake your mother-in-law’s taste with that of your own mother.
Never expect your mother-in-law to be similar to your own mom. Keep in mind that the mother/daughter things that you enjoy doing with your own mom may not necessarily work with your spouse’s mom. A day of shopping with lunch and a pedicure may, in your opinion, sound like the perfect recipe for bonding, but not if your mother-in-law hates that stuff.
3. Find out what your mother-in-law likes to do.
Ask your husband or just ask her yourself. If going to a Nascar race or football game is her idea of a fun time, score some tickets and surprise her for a day of sport watching. Don’t like sports? Well, just suck it up. This is about making an effort to bond with your mother-in-law, after all. Besides, you may be surprised that by opening yourself up to new experiences, you actually have a good time.
4. Correspond with her via email.
If your mother-in-law is really a tough nut to crack, you may want to begin softening your relationship by email correspondence. Sometimes email can be an easy way to open up discussion for those that have a tough time communicating. You have time to carefully reflect on your dialog rather than worrying about what will blurt out of your mouth (or hers) in person. Email her just to say hello, or use email to bring up more touchy subjects that require a certain degree of diplomacy.
5. Call her just to say hello.
Pick up the phone once a week and call just to say hello. Tell her what you and your hubby have been up to and ask her if she feels better from that cold she had last week. You can keep the conversation brief and unless she really hates you, she will undoubtedly appreciate your concern and sentiment.
6. Don’t tell her too much.
So, now that you have a dialog going, that does not mean that you have to tell her everything. In fact, keep sensitive details to yourself. She does not want to hear about your financial business, fights with her son or other personal affairs. If you need someone to lend an ear, save your baggage (if you must) for your closest girlfriends. Meanwhile, keep it positive with your mother-in-law. On the contrary, if you are particularly proud of your husband, be sure to tell her how great he is – even if she already knows.
7. Cook for her.
If your mother-in-law is like most women, the way to her heart is a good meal. Invite her over for brunch one day or cook her dinner. This takes the pressure off of eating out and wondering who pays. Plus, it’s a chance to show off your cooking skills – if you have any. If you are not the best cook, keep it simple or order in. The point is, she is invited over to your house for dinner.
8. Give her time alone with her son.
Sometimes mother-in-laws who are hard to warm up to are jealous of the time you are spending with their son. If your husband is a momma’s boy and you suspect that she may be jealous of the time you are spending together, give them some time alone. Mom may want some time to discuss important family issues with your husband or just want to enjoy a day of golf with their son like they used to do before you were in the picture.
9. Ask for help.
No daughter-in-law is perfect so do not try to pretend to be. The good news is most moms like to feel useful and help. This goes double for retired mother-in-laws. If she enjoys sewing, ask her if she wouldn’t mind making you something if you provide the materials. Of course if you have kids, she will most likely be happy to babysit occasionally.
10. Kill her with kindness.
If all else fails and you are really dealing with an ice-queen mother-in-law, just kill her with kindness. You know you can’t change people, but you can at least control how you deal with them. Simply don’t expect much from her in return. You can live easy knowing that you have done everything in your power to reach out and bond with her. Just be nice and deal with her in the nicest way you know how.
April Lenini writes for apartmenguide in Austin.
